Return to site


a new motivational thought

Personal Development,Relationships,Business

Every now and then, a new wave of teaching or thinking comes along in human history that shapes behavior, communication, and lifestyles. Our ability to think allows us to constantly improve ourselves and the way we do things, constantly finding ways we can do better in our relationships, careers and whatever it is we find purpose in. This same desire is what led me to the discovery of the simple yet revolutionary ideas in RAP.

The most basic and fundamental need of any human is to feel loved, accepted and respected.

Growing up, I remember how easy it was for me to get along with people and as some of my friends believe, I have no enemies, even though I know a couple of people who might disagree with that thought, myself included. But one thing I can allude to is the fact that somehow I find it extremely easy to be in agreement with others and get along despite the differences we may share. This is evident, over the years, in some of the relationships I have had and teams I have been privileged to build. I always find myself being able to successfully blend and bring together people who disagree or will not see eye to eye if the choice was up to them.

The most basic and fundamental need of any human is to feel loved, accepted and respected. We all have this innate desire that everyone we meet respect and appreciate us, even if we are meeting them for the first time. We all want to be heard, valued and shown that we matter.

To a degree, we might even judge others strictly by how they treat us and occasionally, we decide how much rapport we would like to have with them going forward and we might base all these on that first impression or call it an ongoing experience of how we perceive ourselves being treated by the other person.

There are many social and economic debates around this issue, so much that it influences our votes, our support and who we choose to speak ill or favorably of. But I have a different thought and approach to this phenomena, especially in the realm of personal relationships and social diversity. The RAP principle explores the meaning behind what is expected behavior alongside what is optional behavior.

A good illustration is the fact that none of us could have chosen our parents or siblings but over the years we have learned and found ways to live with them, through bonding and storming, we have this love for our families even when we are at the greatest possible odds with them. This reasoning is what guides the principle of RAP, that we can coexist with anyone when we understand the difference between the expected and optional behavior.

RAP stands for Respect, Acceptance and Participation. These three words can revolutionise your life and your relationships to a level that you never imagined. It can put you in the class of those people who gets what it means to relate with people and getting consistently positive outcomes.

RESPECT /rɪˈspɛkt/ due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.

I like to start this off by saying, no one should ever have to ask for respect. The idea that respect is earned is just another way of saying people don’t have rights to be treated right from the word go. Respect isn’t earned, it is shown. Have you ever met someone and felt so respected so much that you instantly like them? In the same way, you can meet people and be hit with so much disrespect that you want out soon after saying hi! These are choices we make, when we choose to give respect to others and not make them earn it or when we approach them with the attitude that they must work to earn our respect.

This can be seen in the way we greet people, how we look at them, how we respond and the body language we project when communicating with them. Respect is contained in all these gestures and behaviors. Respect can also be shown by paying attention and showing interest when people talk to us. These subtle ways of showing respect can be highly effective in both professional and personal relationships.

Overall happiness in life is more related to how much you are respected and admired by those around you

An article published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science and based on a new research, suggests that overall happiness in life is more related to how much you are respected and admired by those around you, not to the status that comes from how much money you have stashed in your bank account. It is imperative that we understand the positive impact of showing and receiving respect.

No matter who they are, where they’ve come from or how they look, everyone deserves respect.

ACCEPTANCE /əkˈsɛpt(ə)ns/ the process or fact of being received as adequate, valid, or suitable.

Acceptance is what makes people feel validated when they are around us. The biggest barrier in interpersonal communication is not when we disrespect people but when we make them feel they are not welcome in our space, when we show outright or subtle disapproval of who they are.

Acceptance is what opens the door to self-disclosure

You can have respect for someone and still be unaccepting of who they are. Acceptance is what opens the door to self-disclosure and it is often the cure when a person shuts down on people. Our ability to communicate acceptance is what opens that door to their heart and gives them the reason to open up to us with trust and in confidence. And this must be a genuine acceptance not for the purpose of getting a person to simply disclose to us as that may be detrimental when they realize that they have been manipulated and most trust issues can be directly traced back to this.

The most interesting thing about this principle is the fact that it cannot be faked. We all have that innate ability to discern whether we are truly accepted or not and when we are being accepted for a selfish reason. And just like respect, we owe it to everyone we meet to show them that true acceptance that we all deserve, regardless of our differences.

Showing respect is our responsibility and accepting people for who they are is how we communicate that.

PARTICIPATION /pɑːˌtɪsɪˈpeɪʃn/ the action of taking part in something.

I know you may be wondering, why should you respect and accept everyone you meet? Good news is, you have control over your interaction with others. Both principles mentioned before require no activity or action on our part, just a show of respect and welcoming people as they are. When it comes time to participate, we have full control over what we do with people.

At the beginning of this post, I emphasized the need to understand the difference between an expected and optional behavior. The expected behavior is what we must learn to show others and this is just right and feels right when expressed. The optional behavior, however, is where we exercise our freedom of choice and the extent to which we go in our daily interactions with others.

When it comes time to participate, we have full control over what we do with people.

In other words, we can respect and accept people but choose our level of participation with them. We can hold different views on economic status, marital opinions but still show a decent level of respect and acceptance. The part of us that limits the length or distance we go with people is wrapped up in our freedom of choice in participation. You love your friends and you fully accept them for who they are but you can choose to not participate in an activity that you deem inappropriate or unsafe for you. This is the participation principle and what frees us to maintain our individuality while being respectful and accepting of others.

So next time you feel stuck or struggle with relating to people, just RAP!

Tosin Adewumi
The All-Round You | Passion Reveals Purpose


All Posts

Almost done…

We just sent you an email. Please click the link in the email to confirm your subscription!

OKSubscriptions powered by Strikingly