This is my first relationship post on this blog and not to be cliche, relationships can be challenging for those who have had one, have one or those with the slightest idea of what goes on behind closed doors of real-life relationships. We’re not talking reality TV here, no bachelors or bachelorettes-type fantasies in this world either.
So I was thinking, why do we contend so much with love and respect. Then I realized, this is a good battle. Or maybe not! Well, most couples would tell you that the battle about who should do what first is real. Women need love, men want respect but no one wants to go first. Now, that is a problem.
If you want to be ahead, you need to learn how to fall back and serve first.
But here’s a tip for you; if you want to be ahead, you need to learn how to fall back and serve first. Now, I am not suggesting a gender order here but establishing the principle of sowing and reaping, seed, and harvest. You don’t show love and not get respect, the same way you don’t show respect and not get love.
These days we have carved out so many rules and regulations for a successful relationship. We have established “what a real man is” and “what a good woman is” but we have completely ignored “the part I play in making a real man or good woman”. We focus on “what love should feel like” and avoid conversations about “what it means to cultivate love”. We want the gains but don't want anything to do with the pains. Now, I’m not suggesting love is supposed to be painful but on the contrary, what I am revealing is that love takes two people to work it, earn and live it.
The next time you question who/what the other person should be to or do for you, ask yourself who/what are you to or doing for them? This brings us to the reality of love and respect at the core of our needs and when we feel most vulnerable. A good man who is respected has no trouble loving you and likewise a good woman who is loved will not think twice about respecting you. But who goes first? I’m surprised you’re still asking!
The answers to our relationship challenges lie in the power of our choices, the outcome of our actions and our capacity to choose first
Yes, let’s get with the program ladies and gentlemen. The question about who goes first is resolved when we come to the realization that the sooner we meet the other person’s needs, the sooner our needs are met in return. Unless of course, you’re dealing with a person who does not know or understand how and when to give back. This is the twist to the plot.
We all have responsibilities, individually, to learn to relate to others in the way and manner that is rational and respectful. So when someone is treating you right, don’t be the person who ignores and delay response. Be quick to respond to good and kind gestures. This is how we propagate love and shut down the hate, conflicts, diminish differences and bridge the gap that separates us from those we love or want to love.
Ultimately, the answers to our relationship challenges lie in the power of our choices, the outcome of our actions and our capacity to choose first, go first, love first, respect first, give first and be first at everything we want them to be to us.
The verdict is, there’s no battle or war in love, there are only choices and great rewards for those who choose well, right and on time.
Tosin Adewumi The All-Round You | Passion Reveals Purpose